Need your love so bad

Hi everyone. No official post this week, just some more blues. This song is a great one by Peter Green (lead singer of Fleetwood Mac, before Lindsey Buckingham and Stevie Nicks joined the band). It's one of my favourite songs to sing and play. Hope you enjoy it.

Wish you were here...

Today (November 20) it is one year since Melissa passed away. Today has been a bit of a tough day.

Given that this blog is called "Single Dad Blues," I thought I should leave some blues here. This is a song that I play a lot. It's one of my favourites, and I think it's appropriate for the occasion. Please excuse the terrible facials!

And many thanks to my friend Annette for bringing the 12 string.

Elections, Earthquakes, and dating as a single dad…

What an interesting few weeks we have had in the world. ‘The Don’ (Donald J. Trump) is now President Elect of the United States of America and a major earthquake has struck New Zealand. 

First of all, a few things on Mr Trump… I was in Canada on holiday at the time of the first Presidential debate. I had the pleasure of watching this with my friends who I was staying with at the time. It was weird. Personally, I thought Hilary Clinton wiped the floor with ‘The Don’. He wasn’t coherent, he contradicted himself several times, and his arguments were weak (and offensive), in my opinion. I found it quite disturbing that he did not seem to be able to tell the difference between Hilary, and her husband, Bill. Granted, they do have similar haircuts…

However, it seems that my opinion was not shared by enough Americans. Therefore, the Earth is doomed to four years of having ‘The Don’ as President of the United States of America. A heavily industrialised economy that uses vast quantities of oil, gas and coal, and emits vast amounts of greenhouse gases. A country with an impressive military, and tense relationships with a number of other nations. And, now a country with a President that does not believe in Climate Change.

And, now a country with a President who is highly racist and sexist (and generally unpleasant towards people who may have differing perspectives to him) and is in control of America’s impressive nuclear arsenal. 

Thankfully the children do not usually see the news, and I have not had to explain to them why this privileged, white (orange) man with dangerous and extreme perspectives now has so much power. I just hope that he surrounds himself with enough experienced advisers to prevent him doing anything monumentally stupid. 

On the upside, at least comedians all over the world will have a wealth of material to play with over the next four years. I wonder if the Obama family might like to move to NZ? They seem really nice.

And now we have earthquakes… Just after midnight on Sunday evening I woke up to an unpleasant shaking. After a while I realised that this was an earthquake, a pretty large one at that. Zach sleeps in the top bunk bed, so my first reaction was to go to his room to make sure that the bunks didn’t topple over (they didn’t). When I got to him he was awake and was quite scared. Paige, on the other hand, pretty much went straight back to sleep. When we woke again in the morning, the pictures on the news were quite sobering. Several buildings in Wellington City were badly damaged, including Statistics House (a building that I spend a bit of time in), Freyberg House (where a number of my friends work) and an apartment building that Melissa and I used to live in when we first moved to Wellington. Many of these buildings will be closed for many months, which will be a huge disruption. My family, and place of work have escaped relatively unscathed. Many others have not been so lucky.

I am very, lucky to have had the privilege of working for GNS Science on the GeoNet project (check out www.geonet.org.nz), so I understand a little of what is going on under our feet, and a little of what to expect in the coming weeks… What should we expect? You may ask... My reply would be more earthquakes. Lots more. This is what seismologists like to call “an aftershock sequence.” Basically, the bigger the earthquake, the more aftershocks you should expect, and the bigger these will be. However, as time goes on, the aftershocks should become less frequent, and smaller.

So, as alluded to in the title of this post, I’m going to talk a little about dating as a single dad. For those fans of the movies out there, let me tell you... it’s nothing like that. People do not approach you at the supermarket. There are no romantic chance meetings over the last can of cranberry sauce. I’ve never been flirted with on the train, or in a queue (well, once, and I was too scared to ask for a number). Yes folks, dating has changed a lot in the last 16 odd years since I last did any dating. Further complicating matters, I tend to travel between work and home. Lather, rinse, repeat… Where am I to meet people? Thankfully some very forward thinking (and incredibly rich, I assume) individuals have provided a number of software solutions to this very problem. Internet dating.

Internet dating sites (such as www.findsomeone.co.nz) and dating apps (such as Tinder) have an awful stigma attached to them. This is completely undeserved. If you find yourself posting a profile on these sites, you definitely have not failed at life. If you met your partner on a dating site, you should not be ashamed, be proud that you have found someone. Is it really better to fall, lips bared, towards another person at 3am at a night club after far too many beersies? The answer to this is: ‘NO’! People meet how people meet, and that is OK. I have met some truly lovely people through both FindSomeone, and Tinder. Sure, there are people on both sites that are after ‘casual arrangements’, but they are generally very up front about this (and this is also OK. I’m not looking for that, but if that is what you want, go for it, and enjoy!). As long as you are clear what you are looking for in your profile, normally you will find someone looking for something similar.

In fact, I had dinner with an amazing lady (who I met on Tinder) last Saturday night. She is very beautiful, she has a child, and she is a musician. We enjoyed sparkling conversation for three and a half hours. I had a lovely time. And, yes… I would very much like to see her again. I hope she feels the same way.

So, if you find yourself single in this world, don’t be scared to try internet dating. It’s pretty good. And if you find this character pop up on your screen, maybe swipe right... Until next time.

Milestones, and feeling ill, and ball sports…

This Friday just been would have been Melissa’s 38^th birthday. Birthdays and anniversaries have been tough days this past year. There are lots of feelings and memories tied up to these days. They are days of reminiscing and longing for what might have been.

On Melissa’s birthday, the kids and I had fish ‘n’ chips for dinner with Melissa’s parents. It was a lovely evening, we shared a glass or two of wine and chatted. The kids had a nice evening as well. Paige in particular was delighted to be eating fish ‘n’ chips (she had been asking every Friday for weeks and weeks).

Now, after Melissa died, I started to eat a whole lot better. It turns out that people in the late stages of terminal cancer do not get any nutrition from their food. Basically their organs are shutting down, and the nutrients don’t get absorbed properly. Basically, Melissa at that stage was eating for pleasure, and was eating little bits of whatever the hell she wanted. Fair enough, too. As a result of eating better, I’ve lost a fair bit of weight. This eating better (and more exercise as well) has made me feel a whole lot better about myself.

So, after eating fish ‘n’ chips on Friday, I have felt completely rotten. I don’t think they were dodgy. I’m not sure what sort of bacteria can survive being deep fried. I’m pretty sure it is just the fatty food and lack of vegetables. Now, I don’t really get sick that often (touch wood) so this feeling is not the best. It certainly makes looking after the kids very tricky. The kids were all keen to play, and I did take them to the school for a run around, but I felt like vomiting most of that time… Ick!

Now it seems that the kids have finally become interested in sports. Last weekend we went to Rebel sport. Zach needed a new pair of sneakers. While we were there, the kids reminded me that I had promised them a ball each. Zach chose a rugby ball (good lad) as he is playing touch rugby for his school on Thursday nights. Paige, on the other hand, chose a pink and purple basketball. Both kids are super proud of their balls, and we have been to the school to play basketball a few times. Usually it is Paige and Zach versus me. Paige can’t quite get the ball near the hoop yet, so Zach has to do the shooting. He has scored a few baskets. It seems that I have remembered how to do the odd dodgy layup (much to my amusement… I was TERRIBLE at basketball at school).

All up, not a bad week so far. Melissa would have loved to see the kids playing basketball, and running around with big smiles on their faces. They are great kids; I love them to bits.