Proud Dad moments...

This week Zach (my 9 year old son) has passed a couple of really significant milestones. These things might not seem significant to many, but they made me so proud of him. Zach is the kind of kid that does not often want to try new things, unless he thinks that he is going to be good at them. This really holds him back sometimes - he is really scared of making mistakes. I try and tell him that it doesn't matter, and everyone makes mistakes... But he finds it hard and stressful.

A while ago Zach chose to enter the races for his swimming school. He has just recently moved into the class where he swims the full length of the pool. He has been going to swimming lessons for ages, but I can finally say that he can swim 'properly'. Anyway, a notice about this race evening got sent home after swimming lessons. I asked Zach if he wanted to participate. He was apprehensive at first, but decided that he would like to do it. I was so pleased that he chose to take part, this was a big step for him.

The race evening was on Thursday. I picked the kids up from school and then we pretty much went straight to the pool. There were so many kids there, and even more adults! The races were streamed by swimming level and were for one, two and four lengths (25 m, 50 m and 100 m) of freestyle and backstroke. Zach entered into the 25 m freestyle and backstroke races. His first race was the freestyle. He was in the race with 9-11 year olds, so was one of the younger kids in the heat, and he did so well. He swam such a consistent pace the whole length. And, he got second! He got a ribbon and everything! I was so proud of him. He also did really well in his backstroke race, but no placing unfortunately. After the races, Zach, Paige and I went out for dinner to Brew'd (Zach's choice) and had a great meal to celebrate.

The other moment this week that made me very proud of this great little guy was that he chose to take part in his music school's end of year concert. Because there is now little or no music taught in Primary schools, a great business in Lower Hutt has decided to fill that niche. The Goodtime Music Academy offer a number of music tuition services in the Wellington region. One awesome innovation is the "Music Bus" which travels around the schools in the region and offers group lessons for drums, ukulele, keyboard and guitar. The bus is all fitted out with all of the instruments and the lessons are held on the bus. It is also reasonably priced at about $11 per 30 minute lesson. The Music Bus lessons are intended to prepare kids for private tuition (which Goodtime also offer), and eventually Band lessons (which they offer as well). Furthermore, they have set up a charity offering free lessons to children in high deprivation areas that would otherwise have no way of experiencing music lessons. I am a big fan of what they do.

Anyway, Zach attends drum lessons each week on the Music Bus (Paige also has lessons, but she learns the keyboard). He has been going for about 2 years and finds it difficult, but enjoyable. When I talk to him about his lessons he says that he really enjoys them, but he swears black and blue that he does not want to be in a band, or perform in public. So when I received the email about the concert and asked Zach if he wanted to take part, he initially said 'no'. A day or two later, I asked him again (he had obviously been mulling it over in his head). This time he tentatively said 'yes'. Not wanting to waste this opportunity, I promptly signed him up and he got to practising! And he actually practised really hard, each day for several weeks.

On Saturday afternoon, Paige and I, and Zach's Grandma and Papa, went along to watch him perform. There were a lot of kids performing that day, not only from the Music Bus, but from the private tuition and band lessons as well. There was some excellent talent on display. Zach's performance was the last one of the afternoon, and I took the liberty of recording it (excuse the fuzzy video, but Zach is the one on the far right at the front). These kids had not practised together at all, so I was so impressed and proud of Zach gave it a go, and that he excelled!

So, I guess that the lesson for this week is to persevere with the kids. Eventually they will come to things in their own time. I was proud of Zach for succeeding, but I was even more proud of him for taking a risk and having a go.

She wore diamonds on the inside...

Wow... what a week! It was a great one for the kids and I. Zach was player of the day for his touch team, Paige celebrated her 7th birthday and I got to see Ben Harper and the Innocent Criminals perform live in Wellington.

Zach has been playing touch rugby on Thursday nights for his school team. He really loves it, and is improving all the time. Getting him to try sports has been a little difficult. Zach is the kind of child that is apprehensive when trying new things unless he knows that he can do them. Until now, this has limited his experience. I was really proud that he gave it a go... I know from my own experience that being a part of a team is a great way to learn and grow as a person while having fun at the same time. When I got home from my singing lesson on Thursday evening, Zach was getting into his PJs and held up his 'player of the day' certificate. He was so proud of himself.

It was also a big week for Paige. After months of getting excited, her birthday party finally arrived. She chose to have a sleepover party at home with four of her friends. Whilst this was super exciting for her, it was bloody terrifying for me! But, being the good, well meaning father I am, I put my fear aside and planned her party. The evening started with the School disco, which the girls attended, then they were dropped off at home just after 6 pm. When they arrived, they were so excited... The noise was almost deafening. But soon the pizzas arrived, and they settled down to watch a movie. When they got bored of the movie, they went and all did some drawing. We also had cake (thanks Daily Bread Bakery!).

When it came time for bed, the kids happily snuggled down in their sleeping bags on mattresses in the lounge. I read them a story, and played them some songs (well, that's what Paige's bedtime routine is). I asked the kids "who would like a hug?" All of the girls took me up on the offer. After lights out, there was certainly a whole lot of yapping (mostly instigated by Paige). But after 10:30 they all nodded off. They did wake up at 6:30 am, but that was fine, they were happy. I got up and made them pancakes for breakfast and they played most of the morning. As it turns out, I had nothing to worry about. In fact, I had as much fun as the girls did!

And the highlight of my weekend came on Sunday evening. A couple of months ago I saw that Ben Harper (one of my favourite modern artists) was coming to Wellington, so I promptly snapped up two tickets without having someone to go with. I was confident that I'd find someone to go with, be it a friend or a date. As it turns out, I managed to find a date for the evening.

We started the evening with dinner at Zibibbo (well worth a visit, Wellington people!), where we chatted over some great food. We then headed to the venue, and arrived just as the support act began his set.

Ben Harper's support act is a guy from Auckland called Miller Yule, and his five-piece band. They played a number of quite folky / country songs. My date and I thought he was great. He had a great voice, and his band were really good.

After Miller finished his set, there was a short break. Then Ben Harper and the Innocent Criminals came on. Wow... Just wow! They were amazing. He played a great mix of his old songs and his new songs (mostly old songs, though). Ben's voice was great, and his band were very good indeed. Particularly his percussionist, who played bongos (and a Djembe at one point)... This guy had the biggest smile on his face the entire night.

The audience were right into it as well. There were so many people up dancing in their seats (my date and I included). It was just great fun. At one point Ben ditched his microphone and sang to the crowd without any amplification. It was a great moment - well done that man - and well done Michael Fowler centre (the acoustics are fantastic in there).

All up, I am really lucky to have the opportunity to attend events like this. Best Sunday I've had in a long time.

So, I guess that the moral of the story this time, is I am doing a good job with the kids, even if it does not feel like it every day. It's important to enjoy the good moments in life, and to celebrate successes.

Need your love so bad

Hi everyone. No official post this week, just some more blues. This song is a great one by Peter Green (lead singer of Fleetwood Mac, before Lindsey Buckingham and Stevie Nicks joined the band). It's one of my favourite songs to sing and play. Hope you enjoy it.

Wish you were here...

Today (November 20) it is one year since Melissa passed away. Today has been a bit of a tough day.

Given that this blog is called "Single Dad Blues," I thought I should leave some blues here. This is a song that I play a lot. It's one of my favourites, and I think it's appropriate for the occasion. Please excuse the terrible facials!

And many thanks to my friend Annette for bringing the 12 string.

Elections, Earthquakes, and dating as a single dad…

What an interesting few weeks we have had in the world. ‘The Don’ (Donald J. Trump) is now President Elect of the United States of America and a major earthquake has struck New Zealand. 

First of all, a few things on Mr Trump… I was in Canada on holiday at the time of the first Presidential debate. I had the pleasure of watching this with my friends who I was staying with at the time. It was weird. Personally, I thought Hilary Clinton wiped the floor with ‘The Don’. He wasn’t coherent, he contradicted himself several times, and his arguments were weak (and offensive), in my opinion. I found it quite disturbing that he did not seem to be able to tell the difference between Hilary, and her husband, Bill. Granted, they do have similar haircuts…

However, it seems that my opinion was not shared by enough Americans. Therefore, the Earth is doomed to four years of having ‘The Don’ as President of the United States of America. A heavily industrialised economy that uses vast quantities of oil, gas and coal, and emits vast amounts of greenhouse gases. A country with an impressive military, and tense relationships with a number of other nations. And, now a country with a President that does not believe in Climate Change.

And, now a country with a President who is highly racist and sexist (and generally unpleasant towards people who may have differing perspectives to him) and is in control of America’s impressive nuclear arsenal. 

Thankfully the children do not usually see the news, and I have not had to explain to them why this privileged, white (orange) man with dangerous and extreme perspectives now has so much power. I just hope that he surrounds himself with enough experienced advisers to prevent him doing anything monumentally stupid. 

On the upside, at least comedians all over the world will have a wealth of material to play with over the next four years. I wonder if the Obama family might like to move to NZ? They seem really nice.

And now we have earthquakes… Just after midnight on Sunday evening I woke up to an unpleasant shaking. After a while I realised that this was an earthquake, a pretty large one at that. Zach sleeps in the top bunk bed, so my first reaction was to go to his room to make sure that the bunks didn’t topple over (they didn’t). When I got to him he was awake and was quite scared. Paige, on the other hand, pretty much went straight back to sleep. When we woke again in the morning, the pictures on the news were quite sobering. Several buildings in Wellington City were badly damaged, including Statistics House (a building that I spend a bit of time in), Freyberg House (where a number of my friends work) and an apartment building that Melissa and I used to live in when we first moved to Wellington. Many of these buildings will be closed for many months, which will be a huge disruption. My family, and place of work have escaped relatively unscathed. Many others have not been so lucky.

I am very, lucky to have had the privilege of working for GNS Science on the GeoNet project (check out www.geonet.org.nz), so I understand a little of what is going on under our feet, and a little of what to expect in the coming weeks… What should we expect? You may ask... My reply would be more earthquakes. Lots more. This is what seismologists like to call “an aftershock sequence.” Basically, the bigger the earthquake, the more aftershocks you should expect, and the bigger these will be. However, as time goes on, the aftershocks should become less frequent, and smaller.

So, as alluded to in the title of this post, I’m going to talk a little about dating as a single dad. For those fans of the movies out there, let me tell you... it’s nothing like that. People do not approach you at the supermarket. There are no romantic chance meetings over the last can of cranberry sauce. I’ve never been flirted with on the train, or in a queue (well, once, and I was too scared to ask for a number). Yes folks, dating has changed a lot in the last 16 odd years since I last did any dating. Further complicating matters, I tend to travel between work and home. Lather, rinse, repeat… Where am I to meet people? Thankfully some very forward thinking (and incredibly rich, I assume) individuals have provided a number of software solutions to this very problem. Internet dating.

Internet dating sites (such as www.findsomeone.co.nz) and dating apps (such as Tinder) have an awful stigma attached to them. This is completely undeserved. If you find yourself posting a profile on these sites, you definitely have not failed at life. If you met your partner on a dating site, you should not be ashamed, be proud that you have found someone. Is it really better to fall, lips bared, towards another person at 3am at a night club after far too many beersies? The answer to this is: ‘NO’! People meet how people meet, and that is OK. I have met some truly lovely people through both FindSomeone, and Tinder. Sure, there are people on both sites that are after ‘casual arrangements’, but they are generally very up front about this (and this is also OK. I’m not looking for that, but if that is what you want, go for it, and enjoy!). As long as you are clear what you are looking for in your profile, normally you will find someone looking for something similar.

In fact, I had dinner with an amazing lady (who I met on Tinder) last Saturday night. She is very beautiful, she has a child, and she is a musician. We enjoyed sparkling conversation for three and a half hours. I had a lovely time. And, yes… I would very much like to see her again. I hope she feels the same way.

So, if you find yourself single in this world, don’t be scared to try internet dating. It’s pretty good. And if you find this character pop up on your screen, maybe swipe right... Until next time.

Milestones, and feeling ill, and ball sports…

This Friday just been would have been Melissa’s 38^th birthday. Birthdays and anniversaries have been tough days this past year. There are lots of feelings and memories tied up to these days. They are days of reminiscing and longing for what might have been.

On Melissa’s birthday, the kids and I had fish ‘n’ chips for dinner with Melissa’s parents. It was a lovely evening, we shared a glass or two of wine and chatted. The kids had a nice evening as well. Paige in particular was delighted to be eating fish ‘n’ chips (she had been asking every Friday for weeks and weeks).

Now, after Melissa died, I started to eat a whole lot better. It turns out that people in the late stages of terminal cancer do not get any nutrition from their food. Basically their organs are shutting down, and the nutrients don’t get absorbed properly. Basically, Melissa at that stage was eating for pleasure, and was eating little bits of whatever the hell she wanted. Fair enough, too. As a result of eating better, I’ve lost a fair bit of weight. This eating better (and more exercise as well) has made me feel a whole lot better about myself.

So, after eating fish ‘n’ chips on Friday, I have felt completely rotten. I don’t think they were dodgy. I’m not sure what sort of bacteria can survive being deep fried. I’m pretty sure it is just the fatty food and lack of vegetables. Now, I don’t really get sick that often (touch wood) so this feeling is not the best. It certainly makes looking after the kids very tricky. The kids were all keen to play, and I did take them to the school for a run around, but I felt like vomiting most of that time… Ick!

Now it seems that the kids have finally become interested in sports. Last weekend we went to Rebel sport. Zach needed a new pair of sneakers. While we were there, the kids reminded me that I had promised them a ball each. Zach chose a rugby ball (good lad) as he is playing touch rugby for his school on Thursday nights. Paige, on the other hand, chose a pink and purple basketball. Both kids are super proud of their balls, and we have been to the school to play basketball a few times. Usually it is Paige and Zach versus me. Paige can’t quite get the ball near the hoop yet, so Zach has to do the shooting. He has scored a few baskets. It seems that I have remembered how to do the odd dodgy layup (much to my amusement… I was TERRIBLE at basketball at school).

All up, not a bad week so far. Melissa would have loved to see the kids playing basketball, and running around with big smiles on their faces. They are great kids; I love them to bits.